snow day

Our snow day in bullet points:

• wake up at 4:30, remember there is no going to the gym this morning and hit snooze for the next hour
• wake up to the phone ringing and the snooze going off again...at the same time.  Turn off alarm, answer phone, find out school is cancelled due to ice.  Return to sleeping.
• Jump out of bed and fly out the living room to relocate Tony, the elf on a shelf, since I forgot to last night...and we're off to a great start on that little treat...

• sleep until seven enjoying the fact that for the first time on our Thanksgiving break the boys slept IN instead of RUNNING! SCREAMING! and FIGHTING! (both play fighting and real fighting) at 5:30 in the morning.
• Climb out of bed, bundle up, drink water, start coffee, all while watching the boys make their own pop tarts.
• FIRST DAY OF DECEMBER!  Boys check their advent calendar for our activity and discover that they get to open their first Christmas books.

• Read day one out of each Advent book and hang our first ornament on our Jesse tree

• boys disappear into spare room to watch Wreck it Ralph.  I drink coffee, eat leftover waffles, and watch ten minutes of some ridiculous show on TV before deciding not to watch TV all day.
• Finish online Christmas shopping.  Done!  Yay!
• drink more coffee and catch up on some Bible reading.
• Text Justin, shower.
• Decide to catch up on photo books on Snapfish, but find things running too slowly (probably due to cyber Monday??) 
• Feed the boys left overs for lunch and return to snapfish to do some photo Christmas shopping instead.  Save 55%!  Woohoo!
• Decide to take this opportunity to upload all of my photos (both camera and phone), edit, organize, and upload them.  This takes hours.  Like three of them.  Finish the pot of coffee and catch up on blog reading while doing all of this.  (P.S.  My children are silently entertaining themselves elsewhere - it seems after spending five straight days with me over Thanksgiving break that they are tired of me and willing to let me do my own thing.  rare!)
• feed the children again.  they seem to need A LOT of food.
• Now write a blog post.

And now it is 3:30 and I'm contemplating starting up the over to make frozen pizza because despite having been home all day and having spent most of that time on my butt and on my computer, I still have no desire to cook.  And I'd like to continue this relaxing (some would call lazy) thing I have been doing all day.  

when the well runs dry

I feel this urge to write.  To just blather on and on with no point and no end.  Maybe it is because I hardly ever write anymore.  Not on this blog, not in a journal, not an email to a friend.  And I don't take pictures.  And I can't remember the last book I read AND finished.  And I don't want to create anything...not a scrapbook page, not a new recipe, not a new anything.  Exercise?  Forget it - don't want to do that either.  Somewhere in these last few months I've started cutting myself off.  Not on purpose mind you!  Just a side effect of letting life get too busy, letting the little things get too big.  Losing sight of my priorities.  And the result?  A slow erosion of the things that keep me inspired, joyful, and let's face it, sane.

And now my well is dry.  Really dry.  What's the cliché?  Bone dry?  Yup, that's me.  Bone dry.  Not an ounce of energy left in my cells for anything.

I hate it.

I hate that I can't seem to recognize that I'm headed toward burn out until I'm there.  I hate that when I crash, I have trouble picking myself up again.  I hate how I know exactly what I need to start doing to start pulling myself out of the fog, but the very idea of doing it is so exhausting that I don't want to start.  I hate that I start to think, "Hey, its sucks being right here where I am, but it'd be a heck of a lot easier to just stay here then do the work to get moving again." 

Right now, I especially hate that burn out has chosen RIGHT NOW to strike.  Right now when Thanksgiving is days away, and I have a dinner to prepare.  Right now when Christmas is fast approaching and there is just so much to do.  Right now when I need to be more focused than ever on my marriage and my family.  Right now when above all, I need to be focused on God because I know that I can't pull any of this off on my own.

But I am just so tired.  Too tired to make a plan; too tired to make a list.  Too tired.

Eight Years

Happy anniversary (and birthday), babe.

what my house really looks like [my return to blogging?]

I look at Facebook and Pinterest, and I read blogs.  I see all these pictures of perfectly decorated, perfectly tidy, perfectly clean homes.

And then I look around at mine...

My house is not straight out of the latest home décor magazine.  As much as I might try to fool people into thinking it is.  I admit...when pictures of my home show up on my accounts (let's say Christmas for example) I have picked the best pictures I could find.  In fact, I created the best pictures I could find before taking them.  When I know it's going to be showing up on the internet for everyone to see, I make sure to have cleaned and organized that space perfectly before hand.

I get kinda tired of pretending to be perfect, to have it all together.  I mean, everyone already knows its an act, so what's the point? 

It's not just home stuff either.  It's everything.  I'm not a perfect wife or mother or daughter or sister or teacher either.  I'm not a perfect anything.  I fall short.  And then I try to fool others into thinking I don't.  Which, if you really think about it, is completely silly since none of us are perfect.  And we know that.  And then we try to pretend we are perfect in order to fool others who we know and they know aren't perfect either.  Its an exhausting and confusing cycle and I'm really tired of it.  So...I think I'll just try not to do it anymore. 

So let's start with my house...  I actually feel kind of bad about the pictures I'm going to show.  Not because they prove things get messy and generally stay messy around here, but because they are actually kind of mild on the mess.  Like...I had already started cleaning the kitchen before I had this whole idea to take pictures of my house as is.  So...here's my disclaimer:  these pictures come after a bit of sprucing...but not on purpose.  Just because sprucing is necessary sometimes.  Can't be eating off dirty forks after all.

While we are here, lets look at the kitchen...

Like I said... pretty mild since I had just tackled some dishes.  Now turn around and check out that "dinning room" (a.k.a. extended space from the kitchen).

I know dinning room tables are supposed to be for eating on, and shelves and hutches are supposed to be fore pretties, but since this is right inside our garage entrance, these things work very well as "catch-all" spaces.  That's a nice way of saying a place to pile all our crap instead of just putting it away right away.  Ooops.

Now on to the "TV room."  Originally when we bought the giant TV of my husbands dreams and the furniture to go with it, we said that it would be a "toy free zone."  You can see how that's working out...

The "TV room" is just really part of one big space.  We turned the other half of the room into the "formal" (HA!) living room/office.  Calling it an office is a nice way of saying "place we put the desk."  The desk is Justin's space and it pretty much always looks messy.  He has an organized chaos I leave alone unless I'm trying to dust. 

Okay.  Now down the hall.  First stop is the laundry room.  Turns out I didn't take a picture of that.  There's a washer, a dryer, and a litter box.  Basically this means that there is a constant supply of cat litter sprinkled across the floor and a basket full of dirty laundry.  Enough said.

Next...the third bedroom.  Home to our old TV, a twin bed, and the Ninja Turtle lair.  This room actually is at its best now (at least in these pictures) because I have relocated the art stuff so it is no longer covered in crayons and paper scraps.  This is where I send the kids to watch TV when I can't stomach another episode of whatever cartoon they're obsessed with at the moment.

Oh...I forgot to mention that this room is also where I hang-dry my delicates.  And really, I should have taken a new picture, because currently the bed is stripped, the mattress is leaning against the closet, and the box spring is waiting to be repaired.  (My kids like jumping on the bed even though they know they are not supposed to which is why the box spring is broken.)  Oh, and it's been that way for a week now.  It probably won't get fixed until my sister comes to visit and needs a place to sleep.  We are procrastinators like that. 

Onto the next room:  the hall bathroom.  Also referred to as the "boys' bathroom."  This is a scary place.  I don't go in here unless I'm cleaning it or have no choice.  Two young boys brushing their teeth and using the toilet...its scary.

Walk with me down the hall a little further (like two steps - we don't have a huge house here).  Its a bedroom shared by my boys.  There are always toys everywhere and the beds are never made because bunk beds are a pain to make for me, much less them.  I'd just rather not fight that battle. 

You know how I said two seconds ago that I don't like making bunk beds because they are a pain?  Really, I just don't like making beds at all.  Ours is proof.  I make it when I change the sheets.  Obviously I hadn't just changed the sheets on this particular day.  We had also just gotten back from our Fourth of July trip and hadn't really bothered to completely unpack.  If there wasn't a suitcase on the floor there would be a pile of Justin's worn-but-not-dirty-yet clothes anyway, so it's still a pretty accurate representation of the norm.

Huh.  I forgot to take a picture of our master bath.  Oh well.  Just picture the boys' bathroom but with the toilet seat down.  And the sink is generally a little tidier.  We are grown-up after all!

I probably should have taken some pictures of the outside of our house, too.  Currently all of the landscaping is overgrown and the grass was do for a cut a week ago.  The back yard and patio are covered in toys that haven't been picked up, and I desperately need to pull weeds.  I hate yard work though.  Mainly because I seem to be allergic to grass and growing things and always break out in hives when I have to do it.  Needless to say...our house doesn't look perfect from the outside either.

The truth is...just a couple of years ago, my house did look pretty perfect most of the time.  I was obsessed with keeping everything picked up and perfect.  I freaked out over toys on the floor and dust on the TV and dirty dishes in the sink. But it was too much.  My life started to spin out of control.  I was like one of those circus performers that spin plates on sticks, and I was exhausted and my family was suffering for it.  So, I decided to drop some plates.  The perfectly ordered house was one of those plates.  And my life is better for it...even if it is a bit messier around here. 

Stay tuned...I'm planning to keep on posting this time.  I like talking about being real.


P.S.  Potential burglars...I just gave you the entire layout of my house.  I also think it's pretty clear I have very little worth stealing unless you're looking to upgrade your Ninja Turtle collection.  Please pass on by my house without stopping.

finishing up my gifts for the year ~ part II

So, I didn't actually make it to 1000 gifts in one year...at least not on paper (or the computer screen technically).  But, there's no doubt that 2013 has been a blessed year for us.  Blessed doesn't mean it has been all sunshine and flowers though...there have been a few really, really low points during this year among all those amazing high points.  The thing I have learned from spending my time counting blessings though is that from each of those hard moments comes some nugget - or even mountain - of good.  I know that for every moment I haven listed here - all 854 - there are two more that I didn't write down, maybe didn't even see.  Life is beautiful, and counting gifts this year has reaffirmed that for me.  I look forward to another year of counting gifts each day (in fact...I've already started)!

813.  finding Christmas cards from friends and family in the mail!
814.  fourteen December graduates from our school!
815.  Discovering Christmas lights with Gavin
816.  Wrapping up gifts for my children and family
817.  homemade hot chocolate
818.  sharing the Home Alone movies with my children
819.  mixing, rolling, cutting, and baking Christmas cookies as a family
820.  Trees and fields blanketed in ice - "They've been carved from ice!" exclaimed Logan
821.  Discovering Bas Pro decorated for Christmas with the boys
822.  An indoor carousel ride on elk and deer
823.  Coming out of store to find it snowing!
824.  Logan catching snowflakes on his tongue
825.  Frosting and sprinkling Christmas cookies with Logan and Gavin!
826.  Starting a new tradition:  Christmas Eve boxes for the boys loaded with hot chocolate, popcorn, movies, and new pjs!
827.  A Christmas Eve service by candlelight
828.  Watching the boys dig into their stockings with glee on Christmas morning!
829.  The expression of pure surprise and joy as Logan opened his gift of dinosaur bones - exactly what he wanted more than anything this year!
830.  The perfect gift from Justin
831.  Opening presents with Mimi and Papa
832.  Christmas dinner - calm and relaxing with Mimi, Papa, Gigi, Great-grandpa, Aunt Holly, Uncle Mike, and cousin Spencer
833.  Logan sitting with Spencer learning how to play a video game
834.  And one more round of presents for everyone!
835.  Very tired boys tucked into bed early, and Justin and I busy building Lego sets and a ninja turtle lair!
836.  Waking up to sounds of my excited boys as they discover their Legos and lair all built and ready to play with!
837.  Two boys discovering the secrets and fun of the ninja turtle lair together...for a long, long time! 
838.  A safe and "quick" drive up to Iowa
839.  Logan and Gavin climbing and sliding down piles of snow with Grandpa and Aunt Dannielle
840.  Logan and Gavin getting to open presents with their cousins at Grandma and Grandpa's house
841.  Finding out my brother and sister-in-law are expecting another baby!
842.  Catching up with extended family at my grandma's Christmas gathering
843.  Holding my cousin's tiny baby boy
844.  Discovering another cousin is pregnant after years of hoping!
845.  A White Elephant gift exchange among cousins, aunts, and uncles
846.  A trip to the hospital to see Grandpa Jeff - recovering well from a recent lung transplant!
847.  Sharing pizza and gifts together!
848.  Logan hugging tightly the "Herkey the Hawk" stuffed animal he had begged for on our last visit to see Grandpa Jeff (Way to go Grandpa Jeff!)
849.  "My logs! My logs!" shouted by Gavin as he discovered a gift of Lincoln logs from Grandpa Jeff
850.  Exploring the hospital with our guide - nurse Dannielle - and catching up more with her!
851.  One last family dinner out (minus Dannielle who was still working - boo!) before everyone left for home
852.  Sharing hugs good-bye with my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew
853.  Hanging out with Mom and Dad just talking about everything and anything on our last night in Iowa
854.  New Year's Eve at home with my little family - Good-bye 2013!  It's been great!

The 2013 Book List

I think this is everything I read this past year - I'm not always so good about making sure it all gets written down these days!  There are a lot of books here, so I figure I'm pretty close to having them all.

I'm not sure I read any books this year that I would consider super-awesome-oh-my-goodness-everyone-should-read-this-book.  For fiction, I might have thought that about the Divergent series...until I read the last book and felt totally let down.  Despite that, though, it's a good read, and I totally do recommend it you're planning to go see the movie this spring.  As for nonfiction...Kisses from Katie was probably the highlight of my reading - I happened to really enjoy that one!

Anyway...here's the list!

(And in case you're curious...I do keep a reading list each year.  Here's 2012 and 2011!)

FICTION

Mitch Albom

The Time Keeper

Jefferson Bass

Carved in Bone

P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast

Marked

Cinda Williams Chima

The Warrior Heir

The Wizard Heir

The Dragon Heir

Cassandra Clare

City of Fallen Angels

City of Lost Souls

Clockwork Angel
Clockwork Prince
Clockwork Princess

Andrea Cremer

Bloodrose

Sylvia Day

Bared to You

Reflected in You

Janet Evanovich

Eleven On Top

Becca Fitzpatrick

Finale

Sue Grafton

Kinsey and me

Jane Green

To Have and to Hold

Bookends

Charlaine Harris

Dead Ever After

After Dead

Julia Heaberlin

Playing Dead

Elin Hilderbrand

Summer People

Amanda Hocking

Switched

Torn

Ascend

William Joyce

E. Aster Bunnymund

Lauren Kate

Fallen

Richelle Mead

Vampire Academy

Brad Meltzer

The Inner Circle

Lauren Oliver

Delirium

Pandemonium

Requiem

Delirium Stories

James Patterson

Along Came a Spider

Kathy Reichs

Déjà  Dead

Beth Revis

Across the Universe

A Million Suns

Shades of Earth

Veronica Roth

Divergent

Insurgent

Allegiant

Free Four:  Tobias Tells Knife-Throwing Scene

The Transfer:  A Divergent Story

Mary Ann Schaffer & Annie Barrows

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society

Neal Shusterman

Unwind

John Steinbeck

Of Mice and Men

NONFICTION

Rob Bell

Love Wins

Robert Brooks, Ph.D., & Sam Goldstein, Ph.D.

The Power of Resilience

Wayne Cordeiro

Doing Church as a Team

Katie Davis

Kisses from Katie

Jim Gaffigan

Dad is Fat

Jen Hatmaker

Interrupted

Susie Larson

Your Beautiful Purpose

Dr. Kevin Leman

When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough

The Birth Order Book

Phil Robertson

Happy, Happy, Happy

Si Roberston
Si-cology
 

Willie & Korie Roberston

The Duck Commander Family

 

Ann Voskamp

One Thousand Gifts

The Greatest Gift

BIBLE

Job

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Ruth

Judges

1 Samuel

2 Samuel

Proverbs

Song of Songs

Ecclesiastes