10 Years

This morning I turned on the news instead of cartoons.  My oldest was confused.  He asked me why the people on TV were sad, and all I could tell him was that they were remembering something very bad that had happened awhile ago.  He patted my arm and told me not to be sad too.

But I can't help remembering...and feeling...that day all over again.  I remember that day in a series of snapshots...not full memories anymore...just glimpses...  But the feelings...the feelings...they come right back to me at the drop of a hat even now.

I was a freshman at college, 18 years old.  I remember that I didn't have my 7:35 a.m. class that morning, but I don't remember why.  I remember that I decided to get up at normal time anyway so that I could go over to the music hall to practice my clarinet.  I remember that I never got around to practicing because as I was walking towards the practice rooms the choir teacher flew out of his office exclaiming something about another one "being hit" and that this was "war."  I remember wondering what was going on, but being too shy, too new to ask anyone.  I remember wandering around the building and realizing that it was eerily quiet...no one was moving around anywhere.  I remember being confused...and scared.  Even at that moment when I didn't even know what had happened yet, I knew that it was bad.

I don't remember why I decided to go back to my dorm room and I don't remember how I found out exactly what had happened though I'm assuming it was from the TV.

The next thing I remember is sitting on my futon with my room-mate watching the news, watching the towers fall...over and over again.  They just kept playing it over and over like it was the only way to make it real for those of us so far removed geographically speaking.  I felt horrified, shocked.  I remember thinking that it was unbelievable; that it couldn't possibly be real.

My friend Jaylene lived in a room down the hall.  She says I'm the one who woke her up; that I'm the one who told her about it, but I don't remember that either.  All I remember is not wanting to be alone...at any point.

I do remember hearing about another girl on our floor who was desperately trying to get a hold of her parents who were on vacation in NYC at the time.  I remember that it took her almost all day to finally get any news...thankfully it was good news.  I remember being so relieved and happy for her...and then feeling guilty because there were so many people that weren't so lucky.

I remember my roommate and her brother planning to drive home to be with their mother...they were worried about their father who was out of state and expecting to fly out that day.  I remember being glad when their mother convinced them not come home, because I couldn't imagine being alone in the room that night.

I don't remember anything else that I did that day...nothing...it is completely blank.

But one thing I can't forget is the feeling...the utter shock I felt, the horror, the disbelief.  Words are inadequate to describe how I felt that entire day.

Eventually enough time passed that I didn't think about it every day anymore.  I could almost forget all of it.  There was a part of me that even wanted to bury my head and pretend it away.  A year and half later I was in NYC.  I got to walk by Ground Zero.  And all of those memories and feelings rushed back, and I realized that it would be wrong to even to try and forget all that had happened.

Remembering that day is like poking a bruise for me...I forget it hurts until I remember it's there.  And then it hurts...really badly.  I'm glad it hurts though.  I don't want to forget this day.  The people that died that day and all those that have died since protecting this country from another attack like this deserve to be remembered...always.

making goals

During the summer I made a lot of goals.  Remember the post about my wardrobe?  I'm happy to let you know that I did get rid of all of my maternity clothes and all of the clothes that were too big and all of the clothes that were too small.  Then I went and spent way to much money on new clothes, but I do look and feel better.

Then there were the projects.  I did three out of the four projects (way to go me!), but failed to get around to cleaning out the hall closet.  I think three out four is pretty respectable though don't you?

Then there was the ohmythesummerisalmostoverandIhaven'tdoneanything list.  Needless to say, not much got done off that particular list.

So here I am, one week into September, back at work for the new school year, with a big pile of undone stuff at home.  Being the list maker I am I have decided to make a fall To-Do list.  And I'm giving myself until Christmas to finish the majority of it off.  I think that's fair.

So...here it is:

Artsy/Crafty Goals

• Finish our beach vacation scrapbook
• Finish Logan's second year scrapbook
• Make Logan's third year scrapbook
• Update Gavin and Logan's baby books with pictures!
• Make Gavin's birth album using my free coupon from Shutterfly
• Figure out white balance on my camera
• Figure out some focus "stuff" on my camera

House Projects

• Clean out the hall closet
• Get new rugs for the back door, sliding door, and front door
• Hang pictures in the toy room

Health Goals

• Run for 30 minutes straight!
• Exercise at least three times a week
• Eat a healthy breakfast everyday (no fast food!)
• Pack and eat a healthy lunch everyday (no school food!)

Family Goals

• Read a book with Logan every night (he likes chapter books now!)
• Start reading with Gavin every night
• Create a chore chart for Logan
• Create a rules/consequences chart for Logan
• Have a date night every month with Justin
• Plan something special for Justin and I for Friday nights

Just for Me

• Finish my Nooma videos...I'm soooo close!
• Finish reading the Bible
• Do another book study
• Give up TV for a month???
• Keep up on my blogging...that's hard to do now that I'm back at work
• Keep participating in You Capture (hopefully every week!)

It is a pretty heavy duty list I know, but I don't think it is umanageable.  Now that I've said that of course something will happen to keep from doing some of those big projects!  'Course if I don't get it all done now I guess I can just put it on my "Winter List"!

too old for naps...or so he says

Sometimes he still needs a nap...even if he thinks he doesn't.

A Holiday Weekend

Long weekends are amazing.  I happen to think all weekends should be long weekends.  I'm almost sure there are enough holidays to make every weekend a long weekend, and if not, well we can just make some up right? 

Right????

Ok, maybe not, but it is a nice thought.

We didn't do much special this weekend.  We took a road trip to Springfield Friday night to pick up Gavin's pictures from Sears.  While there we did some "window" shopping which lead to Gavin purchasing this new friend:

I have never in Gavin's one year witnessed him get so excited about a toy.  We passed these baby pillow pets (they have a name for them, but it eludes me right now), and he was instantly in love.  He insisted we buy it for him straight away by squealing and repeatedly hugging the stuffing out of the thing.  And really, he did buy it.  With his very own birthday money and everything (Thanks Mimi).  I'm just happy he picked the monkey because I'm always calling him my monkey.  It was fate I tell you!

  Just had to add one more picture of my monkey with his monkey...

On Saturday it was hot.  Not unbearably hot, but 90s hot.  Justin and I decided the boys needed to squeeze in one last swim before summer officially flew the coop for the year.  They didn't mind at all.

Sunday brought us GORGEOUS 70 degree weather and found us keeping up our usual traditions:  church followed by lunch at Mimi and Papa's.  Later we were able to sneak in a nice long walk before dinner.  That evening we opened all the windows and let the warm breeze blow in.  It was so nice to have fresh air in the house again!

On Monday - the actual holiday - it was back to business.  I did a zillion loads of laundry while Justin graded papers.  In the between time I finished putting together the play room...

...and I was able to release all of our bedding from the garbage sacks in the garage (they've been there for safe keeping since The Great Fleatastrophy).

Bedrooms look so much better with comforters and such...though in this picture I didn't have it all washed, dried, and back in place yet.

Best part of the weekend for me (and probably Justin too though I wouldn't presume to speak for him (oh nevermind, yes I would!)):  Lots of great weather and good family time.

Best part of the weekend for my boys:  Hands down it was the play room.  Logan will even tell you so.  Gavin will too if you speak dolphin (that's exactly what his high pitched squeals sound like - dolphins).  See for yourself:

If that isn't pure joy than I don't know what is!  Happy Labor Day everyone!  Hope all of your weekends were as good as ours!

Gavin ~ The One Year Portraits

You Capture ~ Peace

Two boys playing together nicely...now that is a bit of peace.

For more You Capture visit I Should Be Folding Laundry!

a sharing experience

I grew up with two siblings and my own room.  All three of us had our own rooms in fact.  I liked having my own room.  You would think this would mean that it would be important to me that my boys each have their own rooms always (after all we have a three bedroom house - plenty of room to make this  continue to happen), but, ummm, not so much.  See, I may be acting a little selfish here, but I have to admit, I just can't take the toys anymore.  They are everywhere!  I have decided the only way to fight back is to put both boys in one room to sleep and throw place all of their toys in the other room and close the door neatly.

In my defense, I did not immediately respond to the growing toys-all-over-my-house crisis with such a drastic, life-altering decision.  First I tried very hard to keep toys neatly separated into the "correct" room.  That lasted all of about two seconds.

Then I thought that maybe I could get away with donating all of their toys, but quickly realized that, ummm, wasn't really an option.

So, finally, I decided to give this room sharing/play room thing a try.  I have a couple of friends whose boys share rooms and it seems to work really well for them, so I thought it was worth the risk.  For some reason (actually I know the reason, but it an entirely different story) I was incredibly motivated to combine the boys' rooms this evening.  Pretty crazy of me since this required moving heavy furniture and Justin was not going to be home until late tonight, but I did it anyway.  And now, my boys are tucked in sleeping peacefully in their new shared room.

Maybe a year from now we'll be buying bunk-beds.  Then again, maybe our boys will be sleeping soundly in their own bedrooms once more.  Who knows???

P.S.  The bedroom may look nice, but the new playroom looks like this:

P.P.S.  Oh, and my living room and hallway look like this...

P.P.P.S.  Any volunteers to help clean up????  Pretty please????  With sugar on top????