Monday, May 7, 2012

I had two goals for this month:
  1. Use my camera every day in May (I'm very out of practice)
  2. Blog every day in May (My poor blog has been so neglected)
It is now May 7, and I've already screwed it up.  I haven't used my camera in three days, and I haven't blogged in two.

Now, in my defense, May is a very busy month and probably not the best time to make this commitment.  It is the end of the school year, and work is a busy place.  Plus, we always house sit for my in-laws in May which means spending the night at a house with no internet access and crappy cell phone reception (at least if you have the same cell phone company as we do).  You'd think I could at least take a picture every day, but that doesn't work if I'm at one house, and I've left my camera at another!

Needless to say it seems to have been impossible to get free time, interenet access, and my computer all in one place together!

Noramlly I'd call any project that has gone this off course an utter fail and scrap the whole thing.  But...I'm working on not doing exactly that.  You see, I have a really bad habit of quitting anything that isn't going smoothly and perfectly (according to me, of course).  This is because...

It is easier for me to quit than admit failure. 

It is easier for me to quit than to pick up the pieces and try again at the risk of failure.

It is easier for me to quit than to do something less than perfect.

It is easier for  me to quit than to face possible rejection.

Sure, I get to live a life where I can truthfully say to people, "Hey, I've never failed at anything, and I've never done anything less than perfectly."  It's not an untrue statement, but it is also not an honest statement.  Because, sure, I haven't failed, but have I really lived?  What kind of life am I living if I never take risks?  What kind of lives am I teaching my children to live if they never see me taking risks?

If I am ever going to push myself to do more, to be more, than now is the time.  If I am every going to face my fears of rejection and failure than now is the time.  If I'm ever going to learn what it truly means to live and be happy than now is the time.

So, my little May challenge that I've started for myself...well, I'm going to keep working on it.  Sure, it is not going to be what I planned it any more, it is not going to be perfect anymore, but it is going to be because I'm not going to quit.  And that, my friends, is a pretty big step for me!

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