When I was younger - much younger, like grade school - I imagined having three kids. The image has kind of stuck since then: I was going to be the mother of three children.
Well, it sort of stuck...
See, when I was a kid I imagined having three daughters. I currently have two sons. Oh, and since I had no concept of the man I would marry and have children with, I just pretended I was a single mom (I'm guessing at that point I probably didn't really understand where babies came from...). I am currently married (though sometimes, with our schedule, I kind of feel like a single mom...). And the best part yet...I imagined living in the house next door to my parents (after all, what kid can imagine living without her parents?)! I currently live over a six hour drive away from them. In fact, I live in an entirely different state!
So, when I say "the dream" sort of stuck, I really mean it didn't stick at all. Except for the part about wanting three kids, of course.
Except lately, that part doesn't even seem appealing...
This morning I woke up at five to start the process of getting myself, a five year old, and a two year old ready for work/school/day care. All. By. Myself. (Justin was at school all night working on his thesis for graduation in May.) This isn't an unusual sitution...nothing I'm not used to or can't handle. Yet...today it was hard. My Logan seems to be going through some kind of crazy defiant/angry stage where he intentionally pushes the limits of everything I ask him to do. It doesn't happen everyday, but it happened this morning. On top of that, Gavin, my normally super sweet 2 1/2 year old, seems to have been replaced by a new Gavin. A super stubborn, super disobediant Gavin. (I swear I don't know what happened! I'm voting on alien abduction right now and putting in a request to have my Gavin returned to me!) Between the two of them, everything was a battle this morning...
You can not wear the same pajamas you wore all day yesterday again today.
You have to brush your teeth.
No, you can not wear Mommy's make-up.
Put the pencil sharpner away - we are NOT taking it in the car!
Stop playing at the table and start eating!
For the twelfth time - put your shoes on!
No, you do not need my help to put your shoes on. You're a big boy.
Don't pinch! Or hit! Or bite!
Stop trying to sharpen the eraser - it doesn't work that way!
Pencils are NOT swords!
And on it went.... Can you figure out which kid was causing which problem? Hint, hint: They were pretty equally responsible in most issues.
After a morning like this, I wonder why I ever wanted three kids. Better yet, I wonder why, after a morning like this, I still even contemplate how GREAT! it would be to have three kids! I blame it on Facebook. All those friends of mine out there having cute, cuddly babies! Granted, I remind myself that most of them are only having their first child. Only a few are having their second child. I can think of only a few more that have three children, and only one that is currently pregnant with her fourth! And then I remind myself that its Facebook. Most people don't go posting updates about how horrendous their child(ren) were that morning or that week or that month or even that year. Nope. They (myself included) tend to stick with the happy, fluffy updates. It's natural after all to want to focus on the positives - especially where raising children in concerned!
I beginning to become more and more convinced that I'm in love with the concept of having another baby at this point more than the reality of having another baby. Truth is, I'm in no position at this point in my life to take on that responsibility, so I guess I'll take all that baby longing and channel it into the two "babies" I already have...bad mornings and all. After all, the bad mornings or days or weeks or even years, don't last, and its never really constant - it just feels that way sometimes...
Hmmm...in that case maybe a third child wouldn't be soooo bad...
...except maybe it would...
...or wouldn't...
See! I still can't decide! So, in that case, bring it on God! Two kids now, three maybe someday (but probably not). I'll take whatever You have meant for my life!
Two...
...or three...
...or maybe just two...
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