finishing my gifts up for the year ~ part I

OCTOBER

701.  140 lbs. squats
702.  A rainy Saturday spent in bed with a good book
703.  Family movie time:  The Croods
704.  Time for an afternoon nap on the couch
705.  Snuggling up in bed with Gavin and books
706.  Wight loss achieved again - finally!
707.  Amazing chest workout - proof of the strength I've gained
708.  Slumber party for the boys at Mimi's house
709.  24 hours just me and Justin!
710.  Askinosie chocolate
711.  Anniversary tea kettle
712.  Trying a new restaurant (Kai) with success!
713.  Sleeping in...
714.  ...and waking up slowly!
715.  Reuniting with my "babies" after date night
716.  "Mommy, I miss you!" - Gavin
717.  7 years of marriage!
718.  31 birthdays for Justin!
719.  Oranges, yellows, and reds coloring trees and bushes everywhere
720.  The Fall Season
721.  A crafterday at Whimsy:  friends, scrapbooking, good food, and a back massage!
722.  Justin's "boys day out" with our children:  Bass Pro fun!
723.  Our "Superstar Squat Sitter" Kodie taking the boys to the Boo Bash
724.  A day spent with my boys:  arts & crafts, lunch out, and a trip to Springfield
725.  Dinner out as a family to Bambinos
726.  Spooktacular at the zoo with my "Power Ranger" and "Ninja Turtle"
727.  Trip to the Gunter Farms Pumpkin Patch:  games, corn mazes, a hay ride, and pumpkins!
728.  Scooping out pumpkin guts with the boys
729.  Sorting out pumpkin seeds with Gavin to make a tasty snack
730.  Justin's artistic skills put to use carving pumpkins
731.  Creating "Mr. Potato Head" pumpkins with the boys
732.  All the doctors, nurses, and staff that worked together to save Jeff, my father-in-law
733.  Justin's safe travels on his emergency trip to Iowa
734.  My sister's knowledge, comfort, and hospitality to all of us - especially Justin - during this hard time
735.  Celebrating Halloween with Logan's first grade class:  a costume parade and party!
736.  Jack - o - lantern pizza for dinner on Halloween
737.  Spending time with Mimi on Halloween
738.  Rain letting up in time for trick-or-treating!
739.  Justin and I taking the boys out door to door together this year
740.  Logan & Gavin trooping confidently door to door - "Trick-or-Treat!"

NOVEMBER

741.  A weekend visit from mom and dad:  swimming, grilling, & Miner Mikes
742.  Frost thick and white across roof tops and cars in the early morning...
743.  ...and a garage to park my car in at night!
744.  Boys sleeping soundly on a long car ride
745.  A family visit to see Grandpa Jeff in the hospital
746.  Jeff's continued improvement...hopefully getting him on the transplant list
747.  Walking down memory land:  The doll house outside of the pediatrics clinic
748.  Trying a new restaurant with Grandma & Grandpa (my mom and dad)
749.  Mattress turned mountain to scale up, turned slide to ride down  Again and again and again...
750.  Communion meditation delivered by Justin from Iowa via cell phone to our home church
751.  Sharing the bread & cup (in this case coffee & bagel) with my boys, Jeff, Janet, and Jordon
752.  A rooftop playground!
753.  Miniature Hawkeye fans!
754.  Reading in bed with Justin late into the night
755.  A runners high after my BEST! RUN! EVER!
756.  Saturday morning visit and lunch with out of town friends
757.  Snuggling up with a sweet little two month old baby boy
758.  Justin on vacation with us for Thanksgiving for the first time ever!
759.  Decorating the house for Christmas with my little boys' helping hands
760.  Opening boxes of handmade ornaments from my children...remembering when they were smaller and and making new memories now that they are bigger!
761.  Gavin and Logan, together decorating their very own Christmas tree
762.  Thanksgiving Day!
763.  A Thanksgiving face time call with Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Dannielle
764.  Snuggled up on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with Logan
765.  Thanksgiving dinner with family
766.  Watching my boys happily play with their big cousin Spencer
767.  Snicker Doodle Cheesecake - YUM!
768.  Frozen - a movie theater movie with my family on Thanksgiving afternoon
769.  The day after - a lazy day in pjs (no Black Friday shopping for this family!)
770.  Setting up the Nativities with my boys - listening to them (well, mostly Logan) tell me the Christmas story!
771.  Our house:  Warm, cozy, and decorated in it's best Christmas cheer to date!
772.  Gavin and Logan opening their elf, Tony - the beginning of our Elf on a Shelf tradition for this year!

DECEMBER

773.  Sunrise on a foggy morning

774.  The smell of burning leaves in the air
775.  Gavin and Logan opening their first day of Christmas book - the start of a new tradition in our home!
776.  Watching my boys take turns moving the star on our advent calendar each day and discovering the fun activity planned for that day!
777.  Little boys enjoying their first candy canes of the season ~ one of our daily planned "Christmas activities"
778.  A new hair color for me!
779.  More Elf on a Shelf fun - hearing the boys' shouts of excitement each morning when they find Tony for the day!
780.  Our family Jesse Tree ~ another new holiday tradition in the making
781.  Reading each days Bible verse with my boys and watching them take turns hanging that day's advent ornament on our Jesse Tree
782.  Shopping for the "Feed a Family for a Day" charity

783.  Logan's excitement to buy cans of food for his school's food drive
784.  Reading Christmas books together each night
785.  An early release from school for snow means an afternoon of fun at home!
786.  The first snow fall of winter!
787.  Cups of hot cocoa with the boys on a chilly afternoon
788.  Cutting out snowflakes and watching them fly (Logan had the idea to put them on the ceiling fan and then turn it on - works well!)
789.  This year's Advent study: The Greatest Gift
790.  Meeting with my Bon Bon Girls Bible study group despite the snowy weather
791.  Snow falling in the glow of a street light

792.  Big chair, warm blanket, curled up kitty on my lap, and my Bible - a good night!

793.  Mixing, rolling, cutting, and baking Gingerbread cookies at Mimi's - Logan did an amazing job!
794.  Another day off from school for weather giving us plenty of time to decorate all those Gingerbread men!
795.  A blanket of snow covering the back yard
796.  My little angel making a snow angel

797.  Logan and Gavin driving their trucks through the snow
798.  Justin reading the day's Advent Bible verse to the boys
799.  Back in school - finally! 
800.  A new lung for Jeff...
801.  ...and a successful surgery!
802.  Safe travels to and from Springfield for Justin on an icy day!
803.  Playing Memory and Sorry with Logan, Gavin, and Justin
804.  A streak of warm days to melt the snow quickly...
805.  ...and pretty icicles as big as my boys because of it!

806.  Making up teacher gifts with Logan and Gavin
807.  A delicious dinner at the Olive Garden with Justin...
808.  ...followed by The Hobbit on the big screen!
809.  Gavin - an expert Christmas tree decorator at the church Christmas party!

810.  Christmas cookies, chili, homemade chicken noodle soup, and fellowship after church
811.  Christmas wrapping - I LOVE wrapping up gifts neat and pretty!
812.  A family day of crafting...scrapbooking, Christmas ornaments, & minis!

....TO BE CONTINUED...

shift in priorities

Lately, I've been reflecting on my life these past couple of months, and I'm realizing that somewhere along the line my priorities began to shift.  Not sure where it started, but I can't say as I mind.

Here's a few examples in no particular order:

• I used to spend hours each night watching TV...Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, The Voice, Ringer, Vampire Diaries, etc.  I watched a lot of TV, not going to lie.  NOW...I hardly watch any TV.  Lately I have picked up watching a bit of The Voice, and Justin and I enjoyed Duck Dynasty...if I could stay awake long enough to watch it!  But even now...TV just isn't a part of my daily life, and I can't say as I really miss it at all.
• I used to take a lot of pictures.  A LOT of pictures.  So many pictures that a typical conversation with Logan would go like this:  "Mommy, come play with me."  Me:  "Oh no.  I'm going to sit back here so I can take your picture.  You play!"  These days, I don't take so many pictures, but I do spend an awful lot of time getting in the action with my family!
• I used to spend a lot of time editing, organizing, and uploading all those pictures I took.  Now I find I barely have the time to do that with the few pictures I have been taking.  Must be because of all that time I spend playing with my boys and hanging out with my husband...  Can't complain about that!
• I used to blog a lot.  In fact, a year ago I set out to blog everyday in November.  It was soooo important to me to blog.  Now...I barely seem to find time to drop in here on my little blog and make an update...and it doesn't really bug me.  (Well, maybe a little 'cuz I like the record it keeps, but not enough to change it.)
• I didn't use to exercise because I hated it...and now I do it almost daily (and enjoy a love/hate relationship with it), and I have a twenty pound weight loss to prove it.  
• Not so long ago, I didn't really socialize outside of my immediate family, had few friends, and never took time away for myself.  These days I have crafterdays and my Bon Bon Girls on Thursday nights. I'm not sure how I functioned so long with out a social life!
• Once upon a time, I went to church begrudgingly because it was "the right thing to do."  These days I go to church because I love it, because it adds something to my life that I don't want to live with out any more.
• I used to take my husband and the time we spend together for granted...assumed he'd always be there.  I didn't nurture or cherish our relationship the way I should have.  I paid a very high price for that mistake, and now that I've been given a second chance, I take advantage of the time we have together.

Just under two years ago my life - as I knew it - shattered.  At the time, it was the worst possible thing I could imagine and I didn't understand why.  As I went about picking up the pieces, I realized that for too long I had been living a half-life.  In fact, at times, not really living at all.  Just surviving.  And in that moment of realization, I found the courage and strength to start making changes.  

I never actually set out to specifically make all of the changes I listed above...those are just some of the things that just naturally happened as God worked through me to change my attitude, to change my heart.

Values shape priorities, and the condition of our hearts shapes our priorities.  My heart has shifted, so my priorities have shifted as well.  I hope that I continue to grow in positive ways from this experience, that I never forget what these past couple of years have taught me.    

wham

Things aren't back to normal; they're better.

All that pain and ugly and hurt that erupted almost two years ago...I think it's gone.  Replaced with love and joy and respect.

Except.

Sometimes it surfaces again.  From the simplest little things.  Today it was an email.  A newsletter completely unrelated and yet, connected by the tiniest of threads.

WHAM!

I remember all of that pain and ugly and hurt.  The insecurity and fear.  And I can't help but think but I'm happy now! things are good! why? when will this stop?

And I wait.  I wait for the memories to take my breath away.  To bring me to my knees.  To bring forth tears and painful sobs.  I wait for the panic, the anxiety, the blanket of depression.  I wonder who will watch my classroom when I can't stand to be in here anymore.

But...

It never comes.

Sure.  I'm sad.  I hate that we ever had to experience that hardship, that pain, that uncertainty.  It's a strong enough force in my mind that it leads me to prayer, to write it all out here.

But...

It doesn't hurt as much now.  It doesn't cripple now.  I am stronger.

I am stronger.

I'm not sure it will every completely be gone, the thoughts, the feelings.  It has colored my life permanently, changed me.  But, it didn't break me.  I am here.  And I am happy and more whole than I have every been. I am who I am now because of who I was and what I went through.  As much as I wish sometimes that I could take that time and forget it, I know that I can't.  To take it away would be to alter me, to alter all the love and joy and respect in my life now.  And I can't do that; I don't want to do that.

Even in those WHAM! moments I know peace now.  It is what keeps them from taking me back to ground zero again, what keeps me rooted in the here and now, the love and joy.

That time may still shake me occasionally and that's okay.  I have learned that I can get through it.  It may have helped shape me, but it does not define me.  I know who I am.

catching up the gifts part III

So...I'm going to post September's gifts.  And I think that technically, if I was going to do 1000 gifts in a year that I should be hitting 1000 right now.

But...I'm not.

You may have also noticed that my gifts posts aren't so pretty anymore...there being no pictures and all.  It's not that pictures don't exist...it's just that I've gotten lazy about blogging in general so that means that I've gotten lazy about putting pictures up along with the gifts I've listed.

In fact, being lazy is probably why this list isn't going to hit 1000 in one year either.

And it's not that I've been lazy about being thankful to God for all these wonderful - and maybe not so wonderful - things in my life, because I have been!  In fact, I've been super thankful.  I've just been taking so much time to actually live in the moment!  I think that has been one of the best things about this project - it has helped teach me how to be more present in my everyday life.  And that is one thing that I'm very, very thankful for!

So here it is...my sort of short list of gifts for September:

685.  The Fischels family reunion in Iowa!
686.  Catching up with extended family
687.  Gavin pushing his baby cousin Piper around on at riding toy
688.  Logan meeting and making fast friends with his cousin Lucas
689.  Justin - just one of the guys
670.  Baptism Sunday at the river
671.  Four extra little hands to help with dusting
672.  Gavin fast asleep in the chair after dinner
673.  The house decorated for fall!
674.  Curled up - just me and Logan - reading books together
675.  Sharing laughter over memories with Justin
676.  Bed time stories
677.  My friend Sarah's new little boy - here finally and healthy!  Months of prayers answered!
678.  Hearing Gavin say "ove oo, mom"  (Love you, mom) just because
679.  Speech therapy
680.  Special reading programs and tutoring
681.  Forgiveness
682.  Logan's first dentist appointment
683.  Pizza & movie days at work
684.  Laughing hysterically at a book!
685.  Birthday cake shared by strangers at McDonalds
686.  A trip through the car wash...at Gavin's insistence!
687.  School field trip to St. Louis - SUCCESS!
688.  St. Louis Cardinals baseball game - my second!
689.  Nachos and hot dogs at the ball park
690.  Beautiful weather for a trip to the pumpkin patch
691.  Gavin's face lit up with excitement over seeing a big tractor!
692.  A tractor pulled hayride down to the corn maze
693.  A family walk through the corn maze
694.  Logan leading the way through the maze - and doing an awesome job
695.  Bible trivia to lead us through the maze
696.  Walking hand in hand with Gavin - he was a trooper!
697.  Justin carrying Gavin up high on his shoulders when Gavin's little legs wore out
698.  A "train" ride for the boys when we completed the maze
699.  Picking out our own pumpkins in the pumpkin patch
700.  My first "photo session" with my boys - I finally had the courage to take their yearly pictures myself instead of hiring someone else!

catching up the gifts part II

August

636.  A Mom and Logan day out at Miner Mikes

637.  Logan's first tooth lost!

638.  A visit from the tooth fairy for Logan and his excitement over her gift of four shiny quarters!

639.  A Mom and Gavin day out at the zoo

640.  A game of chess with Justin...thank goodness he gives helpful hints!

641.  Another game of "chess" with Gavin  :-D

642.  Watching my boys "play" chess...or at least their version of the game!

643.  Justin's wedding ring on again...well, on his pinkie now since his ring shrunk  ;-D

644.  a fresh, new hair-do...trim & highlights

645.  Decorating the kids' room at church with Shelly...

646.  ...And a Mexican lunch out after!

647.  Lunch & scrap with Cindy for her belated birthday celebration

648.  A Duck Dynasty evening marathon with Justin

649.  Petting a tiny kitten, watching her fall asleep in my lap belly up

650.  Working of debt by house sitting!

651.  Using an oven again at Mimi's (ours is still broken for a few more days!)

652.  Back to work with good people!

653.  Open house at Esther, eased worries & nerves for Logan...and Mom!

654.  Comforting my feverish Gavin

655.  A husband & father who works for a good company that gives lots of sick leave!

656.  Justin staying home from work, caring for our sick Gavin so that I could be at work for the first day of school

657.  Logan's first day of 1st grade!

658.  Walking Logan to his classroom for the first time

659.  Update pictures of Gavin sent fro Justin, home with our feverish kiddo

660.  Meeting Logan off the bus after his first day of 1st grade

661.  Gorgeous weather, open windows, sweet smelling breezes!  All in August!!!

662.  Coming home to dinner made, the house clean - my husband rocks!

663.  A Dairy Queen trip to celebrate the end of the first day of school & Gavin's quick recovery from illness

664.  A family walk on a beautiful evening

665.  Gavin soundly asleep in the stroller

666.  New books delivered to my classroom

667.  Gavin's third birthday!

668.  A TMNT birthday cake!

669.  A game of t-ball in the backyard

670.  Duck Dynasty on TV, cuddled up on the couch with Justin

671.  A surprise gift - a new book from Justin!

672.  A successful communion meditation delivered - my first!

673.  The end of the first full week of school - and a good week it was!

674.  An awesome new "date night" babysitter for the boys

675.  First date night in a long, long time!

676.  Sushi and hibachi grill with a glass of wine

677.  Picking out books at B&N with Justin

678.  Movie night with "We're the Millers"

679.  School field trip to Bennett Spring!

680.  Sun shinning through tree tops

681.  Blue-green spring

682.  Picking peppers straight from the garden

683.  Motorcycle rides with Papa Jeff

684.  Batting practice with Logan

catching up the gifts part 1

July

591.  Portable DVD player for hours of entertainment on a long car ride!

592.  Quick staff in the ER

593.  Two staples to close the gash and nothing else!

594.  Running & delighted squeals while being discharged from the ER - Signs of a perfectly ok Gavin

595.  Gavin and Grandma on a sight seeing walk

596.  Sunshine, nice breeze, perfect temperatures - a great day for a parade

597.  A beautiful country to live in...

598.  ...and all the men and women who work hard and sacrifice to protect that for all ofus!

599.  Little hands collecting candy from the parade

600.  Pulled pork sandwiches with Dad & Dannielle followed by a staeout for our firework-viewing seats!

601.  Watching Logan play, bounce, and race with his cousins at the park

602.  Adam & Katie taking Logan with them for an ice cream cone

603.  Seeing all four kids gathered around my sister-in-low having a good time

604.  Playing on the iPad, niece and nephew in lap to give me a hand

605.  An amazing firework show!

606.  Breakfast and catch-up with Miranda

607.  Gavin & Logan taking turns driving the lawn mower with my dad and brother

608.  Gavin falling asleep in my arms

609.  Family gathered together around the fire

610.  Logan roasting a hot dog up over the fire for me!

611.  Hot & gooey s'mores - again made by Logan for me!

612.  Four cousins "driving" the tractor together

613.  Stopping in to visit Marcia - seeing each other for the first time in six years!

614.  Coming home from a trip to a clean house, dinner cooked, and my handsome husband

615.  Sleeping in my own bed again - always a treat after a trip!

616.  Making art using pastels with Logan at Arty Smarty

617.  Starting a new story Bible with my boys

618.  July 10th - Justin's "I love you"

619.  Watching Logan pick out his first reading prize at the library - he knew exactly what he wanted!

620.  Story time at the library with a special guest reader

621.  Facing my fear of snakes with a twenty pound anaconda...against my will!

622.  Four of us all snuggled up on the couch together

623.  Football camp for Logan...

624.  ...and "driving" lessons for Gavin!

625.  Logan's excitement over his "Best. Catch. EVER!"

626.  Fearless boys at the swimming pool

627.  Watching a thunderstorm on the front porch with my three men

628.  Shopping spree!

629.  Mad science at the library

630.  A rainy day spent at home

631.  Playing with and scratching nine tiny kittens

632.  Chocolate Therapy ice cream after the kids are tucked into bed - thanks Ben & Jerry's!

633.  A handmade "thank you" card from a little girl in Sunday school - she was so happy to get to be my helper!

634.  A "movie theater" experience at the library

635.  Gavin's first bike (tricycle) ride at the park

i gave up my blog

 Temporarily.

I didn't mean to give up blogging all together...it just kind of happened.  I haven't posted a thing since the 1st of July.  Not even gifts. 

So what have I been up to?

• counting gifts...need to write a post because I'm almost to 1000 I think!
• 4th of July in Iowa to visit with family and friends!
• movies, swimming, games, books, library, and many, many more activities with my boys!
• spending time with Justin
• Watching all the seasons of Grey's Anatomy
• Finishing a book study
• Watching season 1 & 2 of Glee
• Reading books and more books!
• Watching Seasons 1 & 2 of Duck Dynasty with Justin
• House sitting for my in-laws
• Bible Study
• Watching the rain fall for nearly two straight weeks!
• Helping with Sunday school
• Lunch dates with friends
• Getting Logan ready for 1st grade!
• Celebrating Gavin's 3rd birthday
• Going back to work for a new school year
• Writing lesson plans and grading papers

Plus....all that never ending house and yard work...

It's been a busy couple of months.  Its been a fun couple of months.  While I'm sad to see the summer has pretty much slipped away, I'm looking forward to fall and all that is ahead of me and my family. 

(Including more blogging...I hope!)

It's good to be back!