Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Writer's Block

I have a form of writer's block right now.  In fact, I've had it since January.  I sit down in front of a blank screen, and I want to write.  I want to write out every feeling....

But, I can't.

It wouldn't be right to come here and air out every trouble I've had.  It's one thing to come here and tell my happy stories or the happy stories of my children.  It's even okay to tell the happy stories of others - as long as I have their permission.  It's easy to share the happy things in life.

But...life ain't always happy.

Right now, really for months, I've been going through something hard, something very, very painful.  And it's not just my story to write out.  It involves too many people in my life, people I love very much, even now after everything that has happened and is happening.  I just don't feel like I have the right to come here and uncover it all for everyone to see and judge.  And, it has all been such a huge part of my life for so long that it has been hard to focus on anything else, to write about anything else.

So...here I am...with nothing to write, nothing that I can write.

And with that, I realize that I have let this part of my life have way too much control of my everyday dealings.  I have let it cloud the good, force out the joy.  As I stand on the edge of an even harder season of my life, I realize that I have to find...something. 

Maybe even something to write about...

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